03:46 am 05/06/2016
(trigger warning) this is going to be very corny.
It’s coming up to my last few days at Keele University. Today, securing a brief moment of relief from the sweltering Lindsay Recording Studio by suggesting we grab the percussive box instrument called a Cajón from the clockhouse, I witnessed a particularly appealing summer evening sky. In an effort to spare myself some more time in the open air before plunging back into the claustrophobic heat of the control room I took pause to observe the sunset view which was framed like a painting by the foliage running parallel to the path.
Over the motorway to my right the sky was a beautiful pastel shading of grainy purple against an 80’s disco pink. The smoothly curved contours of the hills riding up upon the horizon became but vague outlines through the thick haze of the cooling, damp, air. I tried to make out the details of the distant shapes on the farthest hills and started to wonder whether I could go and walk there tomorrow as a little adventure…..
But when I got there and the soft shapes come into focus, then what? There might be nothing there. There’s probably some old store shed filled with crap, a crop field, and a rusty tractor. Perhaps the future just looked a lot more promising when it was still in the distance.
The end of my last academic year has been a pretty strange time for me really. Places don’t mean anything to me without people and throughout almost all of university I lacked a group of friends to make me care about this place. I probably would have gone insane (wish I was kidding) if I hadn’t have met Scott early in my first year after he identified my trusty Operation Ivy t-shirt (which I’m wearing now just in case another kindred spirit strolls past my window). Anyway in the last couple of months of university I finally feel like I met a few people I would have devoted my time to….
So now I’m leaving. It’s not easy to handle the emotions that are clashing in my head at the moment…..
I am going home, but I’m also going to the unknown. The threatening, cold, and unclear future of mundane life. I have ideas of what I want to find on the horizon when I get there, but in reality will those ideas really become what I expected or hoped for them to be?
Continuing on and going forward, I’m walking away from what became clear to me over the past months. The people who I would have likely spent many days playing music with, relaxing with, or adventuring alongside. Being in the warm company of someone you can talk to all night….
I really valued this last bit of time with these people even if it has left me feeling secluded and confused on many levels, yet it has also given clarity to other parts of my life. I know things will change but I truly hope to see you again. Thanks for being there.Who knows, maybe our paths will cross once more somewhere in the distance. We’ll see when I get there
…..Convinced I had found some meaning onto which I could attach myself I relayed this information to the one accompanying me on the short excursion, ‘Sensei’ Vanisha, who thought this was all a load of wishy washy clichéd nonsense and I should try and find some better metaphors for my life. She’s 100% correct, but at least it gave me the space to think